you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
