I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
