Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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