There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
