I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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