So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
