we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
