Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize