I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
