I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
