Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
