I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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