I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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