My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
only you would photoshop your dick
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
