Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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