If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
