I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
