I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize