Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
