On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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