ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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