we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
