Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
