How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
