When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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