Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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