My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I fill condoms, not promises.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
