fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize