so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
