You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
