i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
