I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
