I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
