when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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