The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
