You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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