I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
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