He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
