I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
