Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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