Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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