So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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