Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
