just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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