i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
