You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
