I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
