I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
