he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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