Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
