Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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