I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
