I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
