I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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