I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
