2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
