Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
