you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
