i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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