her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
even my farts smell like vagina
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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