he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize