shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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