go do what you do best...puke behind churches
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
