I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
