You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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