i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
