my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
