Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
