Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
