why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
