Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize