Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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