shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
