his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
