Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
This is the high leading the old right now
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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