I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize