Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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