I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
