I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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