hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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