There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
