I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
