so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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