So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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