i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
In America we eat man semen.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
