I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
