What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
