she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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