You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
