Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
