I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
