Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
we're so committed to being not committed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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