I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
