So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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