maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize