and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
