Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
