loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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