He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
