I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
