I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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