I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
sex in a hospital.. check
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize