i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
