No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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