Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
